Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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