I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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