dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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