he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
