we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
