took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
