you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
