There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
