how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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