I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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