Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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