I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
