It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
