I got chris browned last night
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
