Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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