That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
