does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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