You just made me feel so damn special
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
