break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
