I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
