problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
