its not stalking. its research.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
