I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
