dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
