I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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