her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
as a side note pls kill me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
