i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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