yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
