I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
