lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
