The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
