I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
