The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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