tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
