He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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