So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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