I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
