I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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