sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
