You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
