she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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