Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
