those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
