Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
