Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
