Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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