These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
