i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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