is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
