I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
